We are parents, but also a couple: how to keep love alive when we have children

Having a child, with everything that implies both emotionally and purely logistic, can sometimes cause us to delay other things, such as spending time as a couple ... And of course, our relationship may end up suffering. But really when we look at each other we still love each other, right? Well then let's see what we can do to keep our relationship more fit than ever ... when we are also parents.

One day you met a person who made you tilín (or tolón, or both), you started chatting, getting intimate, going out ... You liked each other, you enjoyed doing things together, so much so that one day you made a baby (a beautiful one, everything it must be said). And then that of intimate, of going out and even of chatting (we all know that when the kids start talking ... they don't stop!) It became more difficult.

I often see in consultation and in the workshops couples who, despite loving each other very much, for some reasons or others, barely spend time together. I understand perfectly that there are times when life overwhelms us and there is no way to find the time to do something together and alone, but ... is that it is something fundamental!

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With love is not enough

The model we have of romantic love, that which we see in the movies, that of which the songs speak, has “sold us the motorcycle” that when it is real, when it is sincere and authentic, it can with everything.

This leads many to have assimilated something that is actually a myth (because it is not true, it is not functional or makes us happy in the long run, or anything): “If we love each other, everything is done, because love is something eternal , unmodifiable, immutable… something that resists against wind and tide, just because it exists ”. And no, this is not so. Ohhhh!

This idea of ​​love is what precisely leads many couples to consult and have a regular time:

  • If we think that love is unalterable, that we will love each other, whatever we do, we will not work in our relationship. But the reality is that if we don't feed our loveIf we do not strive, it dies out like a candle we leave alone.

  • If we think that love can do everything, we are putting an excessive weight on something that is intangible: what you can with everything really is you, together, as a team, and for that you need to work on it, paddle in the same direction.

  • If we love each other, everything will be fine/ If two people love each other, they will not argue and will not have conflicts. Oh! When we think that love is going to make us impervious to the dips of life, we are going to hit ourselves with reality: because relationships are not always pink, because life exposes us to difficult times, because people change, because we have bad days ... Two people can love each other to infinity (and beyond) and argue, and not agree and even, look, hurt themselves (unintentionally, of course). And this does not mean that their love has died, it means they need tools to deal with what is coming, that's it!

The myths about love They create unrealistic expectations and of course, when we then encounter reality we have a hard time, or we think that our love has deteriorated. And no, really, the only thing that fails here is that the reality is different, but as soon as we see it, as soon as we have it clear, everything is easier and prettier, seriously!

Parents ... but also a couple

As I said, perhaps where the relationship between the couple suffers most obviously when the children arrive is in the merely logistic part, in the organization, in time: suddenly you do not have it, zero, nothing, especially at the beginning , when they are babies and they need us so much.

But the point is that our relationship is also something that needs our attention, our care, our time ... Fatherhood is complicated, so better spend it together, hand in hand, because it will be easier. But for that we need to be fine, don't you think? Well let's go to it!

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How to keep couple love alive when we are parents

So what can we do to keep our relationship in shape when we have kids?

  1. Spend time, whatever we can, to our relationship, to leave the role of dad and mom parked and to activate the "chat" role. Not all couples have the same circumstances, so there are no universal recipes, but what is universal is the importance of spending time together: a little while at night just after the child falls asleep (and just before losing the knowledge we), eat together from time to time during the week, go to have the snack alone on Saturday while the little one is with the grandparents ... There are possibilities, guys, and it is worth it.
  2. Tell us nice things, reinforce each other: throughout the day, the weeks, with all the tasks that we have pending, the loop of the day ends up eating us and almost without realizing we ended up turning our relationship into “those comfortable slippers around the house" What an eye, going in shoes is the pear of comfort, but read, let's put it first, that one gets tired soon of being a espadrille. Tell him that you liked the hug that you have given yourself in bed before getting up, tell him that he is handsome with that shirt, tell him that ass is the best thing you have seen in the day (referring to his, hehehe) ... Tell him what You like each other: feel great.
  3. Look at your partner with the eyes of a stranger: imagine that you don't know him at all, that he has just been introduced to you: what do you like? What attracts you? Sometimes when we have been in the relationship for a long time, we get so used to the other that these things start to go unnoticed, and moreover, maybe even the bad ends up eating good. So taking a little perspective can help us remove layers of "everyday life" and see, as they said in Aladdin, "the diamond in the rough" below.
  4. Laughs: Whenever we think about the concept of intimacy as a couple, the head quickly goes to sex, right? And eye, that is great, but there is another thing that is equally powerful to gain in intimacy and complicity, and also can be done with children in front: humor. A couple who laughs together is a happy couple.
  5. To touch! Yes, you have to make humor ... but if from time to time we also make love, well hey, better than better. Maybe now that you have children you can not have three-hour sessions (at least not every day), but a little touching each other, a little showering together, rubbing when crossing in the hallway ... and look, a quickie of time from time to time, which are fun and can serve as a snack between “plate and plate”, you understand me, that gives us life. Find your little moments, turn it into a game, and enjoy each other!
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With a little sugar ...

When I tell couples that for a relationship to work, you have to work, some put their hands to their heads: working is not romantic, it will make our love grow less! Nooooo, it really isn't. Precisely the fact of dedicating a conscious effort in our relationship makes us look more at the good, and that the other, our love, melts even more, because he will perceive that effort ... and that is TOTAL LOVE!

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But as the truth is that, I will not deny, this Having healthy relationships involves a little work, so that it costs us little or nothing, to motivate us, we are going to throw some sugar (metaphorically, of course, we are not going to batter in sweet, that we have enough to get rid of the park sand that lives in our house, as if to walk also removing sugar).

That sugar, that extra, that motivating soundtrack (like when we go to the gym) can be made by ourselves, having details that reinforce each other's efforts: We are going to try to smile more, shake hands, for a little while, while we watch TV (let go of mobile phones even two minutes, if the world ends you will find out anyway!), thank you for those things good you are doing, hug, look at each other with love ...

Come on, do your best because every day is favorable, kind and tender, because that is the best context to work, because that is the best way for one to want to be better with another human being.

It also helps a lot to be clear about one thing: I love my partner, so I want him to be fine because when it's ok i am too. Nothing to enter competitions! We're a team, so we're going to try to make everyone (both of us, it's a cool, but small team) the members are fine cinnamon, okay?

So you know, the arrival of the children makes our logistics a bit complicated, but Not only does love not have to resent, but it can become even stronger, prettier, more mature and deeper. Take it now! Now ... to love each other very much! Happy Valentines!

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Photos: Pexels.com

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Video: Love, Lindsay: How To Keep Romance Alive After You Have Your First Baby (April 2020).