In these days that run grandparents become the perfect "wild card" to take care of children, especially those who still do not go to school. They are cheaper than nursery schools and above all they offer us more confidence.
And if at first, with the arrival of the grandchildren, the grandparents often discover a special family bond that often makes them regain the illusion, this feeling can be degraded if the relationship is not taken care of and they become more parents than grandparents .
Then, the grandparents get tired, they get stressed by having to take care of the grandchildren continuously and as an obligation, of those they already thought were past. They rarely complain about their situation, but parents should be aware of it and encourage them to talk, share their opinions, their complaints, their proposals for improvement.
Along with this, let's also see what behaviors and qualities the yayos should have to be "perfect", to enjoy their grandfather and not bear responsibilities that do not fall within their competence. This is the Decalogue of the perfect grandfather.
To each his own
The whole family, starting with parents and grandparents, should be clear about each person's role. Grandparents enjoy with grandchildren. But parents are primarily responsible for education. They already educated us, their task, gratifying but arduous, has passed.
Sincerity above all
As we have advanced, the grandparents would have to sincerely communicate with the children to establish the limits of obligations and not become the main caretakers of the grandchildren, if the children have not done so before. Many times we take things for granted, and the lack of communication with the closest ones can be harmful.
You in your house, me in mine
Children live with parents every day, but with grandparents it should not be so (if not, for whatever circumstances, they live in the same family nucleus). Establishing a few days a week (or a number of days) may be fine.
Obviously, the distribution of days is impossible if the parents work throughout the week and there is no other possibility for childcare. Remember that families with few financial resources depend more on grandparents.
A grandfather is a grandfather
Parents and grandparents must keep in mind that grandparents are a reference for children, a figure that will mark them forever. They can give the grandson affection, peace, advice, time and wisdom provided by his years of experience.
On the other hand, the grandparents are in a position to transmit to the new generations the strong and more complete family bonds, they are in the front line when the circle of affections of the baby is expanding.
Respect for parents
The grandfather must respect the parents' decisions, their parenting strategies or customs, especially in front of the parents, so as not to conflict with them. However, there are different opinions about whether grandparents can also allow children to "caprice" occasionally, that the child will know how to differentiate (this with the yayos yes, but not with the parents).
Personally "I have learned" to turn a blind eye when there has been some caramelito at the hours I did not play, for example.
"Blasters", but not so much
In relation to the previous point, it is generally accepted that grandparents are to pamper, play, consent and grant some whims, but in their right measure. To "spoil" children, in the good sense of the term, would be one of the keys to be the grandchildren's favorite. Each family must find the right balance in this regard.
Remain a person
It is very important that grandparents do not give up their own occupations, entertainment and needs. They are no longer working and the obligations should be the minimum. Apart from enjoying with the grandchildren, surely everyone will enjoy many other activities, as they did before being grandparents: cinema, travel, sports ...
Holy patience
Grandparents have to be patient with children and rest when necessary, because often the little ones end their energies. Of course, parents should be attentive to any signal about the physical state of the grandparents, although it is good for the elderly to be honest with the parents about it, just in case the signals are not captured ...
Ask for help
Sometimes patience is not enough. If the grandfather does not feel good about himself and his grandfather role, or thinks he is not able to cover the new responsibilities and that affects him emotionally, they should try to solve personal problems by asking for help, talking with parents ...
We are accomplices
With the grandchildren you can establish a relationship of complicity rather than authority. Be partakers of their games, their confidences, their fears, share them, advise them ... In short, quite similar to what I think the father-son relationship should be, only partially excluding the issue of rules and limits, as we have said in points previous.
As we can see, these are points on which parents can also act, helping grandparents enjoy their grandchildren, asking them, encouraging them to tell us their feelings, not charging them with responsibilities that are competing for us or which we could deal with. easily…
Communication would be the key to a healthy and harmonious relationship between grandparents-parents-grandchildren, together with the first point mentioned: parents are the ones who educate their children.
Anyway, in the end, the decalogue of the perfect grandfather It is made by each family to function in the best way. I hope these tips help us reflect on our family functioning and that we find our particular decalogue.
Photos | surlygirl and Brian Finifter on Flickr-CC On Babies and more | Should grandparents take care of our children ?, Grandparents nanny, Risks and benefits of going to daycare (I) and (II), From "spoilers" grandparents to educating grandparents
