It is rare for the child to say yes to everything and accept everything we have to do. When they are babies, there is not much problem, because (poor little ones) they let themselves do practically everything, but little by little they grow and mature and begin to choose between what they like and what they don't like.
An age comes, more or less when they know how to turn and keep standing, when they don't want you to change their clothes and the diaper becomes almost an odyssey. Then they start rejecting syrups (with how good they are now), they don't want you to put cream on them, they want to go naked or barefoot, they don't want to eat “A” or “B” (or “A” or “B”), no They allow themselves to cut their nails and surely many other things that I leave in the inkwell (on the keyboard).
All this tests our patience, making us give in some occasions, or making them give in to others, basically because there are things that cannot be postponed. However, there are times when we make them believe that we give in because we have an ace in the sleeve: while you were Sleeping.
I'm sorry my son (s)
I know you thought I had given in, that I didn't care if you had the flamenco guitarist's fingernails, but yes, I cared because they filled you with dirt shit and because both my skin and your mother's skin suffered the consequences. That's why some nights, while you were sleeping, I came with small blunt scissors (not dangerous) and I cut you as many nails as I could, stopping when you made some movement. You never wondered how it could be that your nails would diminish overnight? I guess not, children have other more important things to think about, no doubt.
I know you thought I had given in, that I didn't care if you had eczema on your skin that itched both day and night and that it seemed good that you didn't want to put the cortisone cream because you thought it would sting (sometimes sure yes), but yes, I cared, because the cream depended on your eczema to improve and relieve the itching and the risk of infection. Therefore, while you were sleeping, I put on cream on the arms, on the wrists, on the legs, on the neck and even on the lips and chin when in winter your whole mouth was irritated by the cold. You never wondered how it could be that your arms itched less when morning arrived?
I know you thought I had given in, that I didn't care if you had a fingernail on the first toe, your big little thumb, that it seemed good to me that the nail was still stuck and that the pus made an appearance causing you more and more damage . But yes, I cared, and because of that, while you were sleeping, I took a needle and holding your foot I drained the pus, cut the nail, put on an antibiotic ointment and covered your finger.
I know you thought he had given in, that I didn't care if you had a stitch in your head and that it seemed good to me to take him for eternity. But yes, I cared, and I understood that you didn't want me to get close to your head in the same way that the white ones had done a week before. Therefore, while you were sleeping, I grabbed the thread of the stitch with a clamp and cut it, eliminating the last trace that was left of that fall, beyond the more than sure scar.
I am sorry to have made you believe so many times (these that I tell and others that I do not count) that I had yielded and respected your choices, and then did what I wanted to do from the beginning. I'm sorry, but I don't regret it, because there are things that simply have to be done, yes or yes, and we do them because we are your parents.
Yielding is important
Also, giving in is important, because there is no better way to teach than by example. Yielding we teach you to yield. Being flexible situations are moldable, as well as the character of people. On the contrary, when an extreme hardness or a noticeable inflexibility is shown when the situation tenses, something ends up breaking.
That is why I have never cared to postpone some things for the night, because of that, and because I know that when you grow up you are more aware of things. In fact, many of the things that happened while you slept now occur while you are awake.
Resolving conflicts
I have put as a title resolving conflicts and can lead to error, because the resolution (do things when they do not know) is more an escape than a confrontation of the problem, however it must be taken into account that “two do not fight if one does not wants ”and one way to resolve an argument is, directly, not to initiate it.
Dialogue is very important and we always have to use it. Sometimes we will be able to convince our children of what is good for them and sometimes we will not succeed. Then we must assess to what extent it is appropriate or not to continue insisting. If you have to give a syrup, for example, it is clear that we must do it at that time, since doing so while they sleep is dangerous (risk of choking) and because syrups usually have a schedule. Other things like the ones I have explained can be done at night, with patience and a lot of courage and, besides being funny and feeling victorious (I know what spies feel when they achieve their goals in the stillness of the night), avoid persecution and more than possible discussion, that although it seems a lie is appreciated, because there are days that you no longer know how to avoid the spiral of negotiations and discussions.
And you?
Do you have any experience with your children that you could not do during the day but did at night, while they slept, to weather the storm?
Photos | Allen Elliotte, Tempophage on Flickr
In Babies and more | Resolving conflicts: the shoes with the stoned soles, The story of the father who found the shop of the patients
