We talked in the previous topic about the needs of people manifested through the actions they perform, and that learning to identify them is the way to achieve a positive communication and empathic
And I want to deepen this. The needs of human beings They are not only physical, too, and with the same importance, they are affective. And for a baby or a small child to meet those needs is as important as being fed or being clean.
The needs of the children
For a baby those emotional needs materialize in physical contact, which is how they feel our love. Breastfeeding is skin to skin, looking into our eyes, delivered to an act of intimate love that deepens communion between two people. If we give artificial milk we must strive to make that moment equally wonderful, so as not to leave the child without the affective part of breastfeeding. Nothing feeds more than love. Nothing is more important.
But there are more things. Children will need our loving presence, conscious and delivered for a long time. That does not mean being all the time doing monkeys and jumping around them. It is being, being completely, and always being available, giving them full assurance that their demands will be met.
Obviously, there will be specific moments when we cannot start playing or listening to the child. But they are very few, it is not talking on the phone, chatting with the computer, painting our nails and not even cooking in general.
And when the child knows that we always attend to him, he feels respected and listened to, and in that way, he also learns that when we cannot attend to him immediately or we tell him that he cannot do something, we do it for powerful reasons. He will trust and learn that when we set a limit This is not overt or selfish.
The children we were
When we were kids possibly our emotional and mindfulness needs were not met. Children get used to going back, waiting, shutting up and enduring that their game or company needs are not a priority. We went like this. It is not that the basic material things were not taken care of or did not like us, but that we grew up in frustration of not being fully heard.
And when a baby is denied the physical contact he asks for or a child is removed when he demands us for whatever it is, that leaves an unmet need that will always demand something to be filled with. Insecurity is born of detachment.
All that emptiness of the need not covered, of the need denied, it ends up dragging us to find out anything to fill is a hole, leaving again, in our frenzy, the needs of our children without covering. But at the same time, only healing is possible by giving ourselves fully to the needs of children.
Be available
Throwing us to the ground when they whine or claim us for nothing, because even if they don't know how to express it, that's their way of expressing that they need us because they are afraid, they need to be totally loved, they need our attention to be well. Anyway, I will speak in another occasion with more depth of this technique of lying on the ground and what it means to introduce a change in parenting and relationship with children.
Leaving aside all those occupations and leisure with which we fill the time, logically when possible, to simply sit at their height and look at them being available, calms them down, returns them peace and soon they begin to stop being so demanding. And it is that when a child is excessively demanding it is because he perceives our desire to move away and not be requested.
Babies depend even to move from adults. Then, throughout childhood and adolescence, although it is more autonomous and safe, the child continues to need his parents greatly to understand and feel valued and loved.
The importance of positive communication for your future
The importance of a healthy, open and positive communicationWithout judgments or labels, without pressure or blackmail, it will remain essential throughout the upbringing.
The relationship we have with our children and the "style" of communication that we use, in reality, will mark the child forever, conditioning in large measure his way of relating to others, his way of considering himself and also, let's admit it, the way he will want to continue having contact with his parents.
If our relationship is based on authority and fear or simply on emotional remoteness, it will be difficult for the adult child to look for us to be pleasantly in our company, fully sharing his life and emotions. That is, use the positive communication It will have an impact on our lives and those of our children.
