It's tragic news that leaves us speechless, and that Unfortunately they continue to happen every year: babies and young children die when left inside the car. In most cases, this usually happens because of a forgetfulness of the parents, who hours later discover in horror the terrible mistake they have made.
When reading this news, many people react judiciously and think "that would never happen to me", but actually, This has a name: Forgotten Baby Syndrome, and it is something that could happen to all of us, even to the most loving, organized and responsible parents.
Who forgets his son in the car?
"I could NEVER forget my son in the car", "What kind of father forgets he takes his son with him?", "I love my son too much to make a mistake like that", "People who forget their children in the car should not have them", "A child can never forget, this is unacceptable and unjustifiable".
These are some of the reactions that many people have when, unfortunately, a story reappears in which we know that a baby or toddler has died after being forgotten locked in the car by his parents.
In Babies and more The simple and great reminder to place in the car and thus avoid forgetting babies and children insideIt is not difficult to understand this type of negative and judging reactions: the news is strong, tragic, regrettable and painful. The position of many people is to think impulsively and without stopping to think for a moment about the possible circumstances that had to happen for this misfortune to occur. At some point I came to think, but without judging: "How is it possible that something like this happens? I hope it never happens to me ... "
However, what people who quickly assure that they would never happen to them do not know, and incidentally judge and sentence the parents who have been through this, is that it can happen to all of us. Yes, even those who are so sure that never in life would they ever be able to forget their children.
Unfortunately, however organized, loving, responsible, committed, dedicated, dedicated and disciplined we are as parents, absolutely no one is exempt from this happening to himAnd the reason is simpler than it seems: we are human, and our mind is not 100% perfect or infallible.
Science explains: the human mind is not perfect
David Diamond, Doctor of Philosophy and professor of psychology at the University of South Florida, He has spent 15 years studying the motives behind these tragic forgetfulness which have resulted in the death of babies and young children. During that time, He has conducted his research from the neurobiological and cognitive perspectives based on his experience as a behavioral neuroscientist.
But his research has not only been limited to thoroughly studying brain behavior that explains why this happens. As well, He has reviewed the police reports and interviewed the parents involved in these terrible incidents, and has even served as an expert witness in civil and criminal cases.
"'Forgotten Baby Syndrome' is not a neglect problem, but a memory problem. The most common answer is that only bad or negligent parents forget their children in the car. It is a matter of circumstances. It could happen to anyone", explains David in Consumer Reports.
It is not a problem of negligence or bad parents, but of our memory, which can fail us all. This is summed up in a very simple principle: if you are able to forget your phone, you are also potentially able to forget your child.In a paper on his research from the cognitive and neurobiological point of view, David shares the hypothesis he has developed to explain why this phenomenon occurs. According to your research and studies, Children are forgotten in the car for the following reasons:
- The driver loses awareness of the presence of the child in the car
- The driver shows a failure in the "prospective memory" system of the brain
- Events take part during the journey, including stressors and strong distractions, which could contribute to the cause of prospective memory failure, a competition between the "habit" and "prospective memory" systems.
According to David's research and based on his studies of the brain and memory, he has concluded that in all cases of parents who forgot their children inside the car there was a failure in the brain's prospective memory system. That is, their ability or commitment as parents had nothing to do with these tragic events.
In cases where parents have forgotten their children in the car, David explains that the problem arises when two parts of memory are involved: prospective and semantic. Prospective memory is one that helps us remember to do something in the future, such as a planned action or something we should do at a certain time.
The semantic memory is the one that automatically reminds us of specific data or information, and it is what allows drivers to make the journey from work to their home in "autopilot" mode, in which they arrive home without remembering clear or specific details of how they got there.
When we make a change in our routine, prospective memory and semantic memory work together to help us with it. An example of these changes can be when one of the parents must take the baby to the nursery that day or when we have to reach the market on the way home.
In Babies and more, never leave a child in the car in the sun, even if it is not hot: in 30 minutes the interior temperature doublesBut nevertheless, When we are distracted or stressed, one of these memories fails and there may be catastrophic implications. Some examples that David mentions are situations in which critical safety steps were overlooked, such as when a surgeon leaves a medical tool inside a patient, a pilot who forgot to execute a step at the time of landing, or when parents forget that They were carrying a baby in the car.
"Semantic memory, or brain system of habit, is very convenient, since it allows us to do things in automatic pilot mode. The beauty of this is that we don't have to remember every turn in our journey, but the problem is that this memory is really guiding our behavior. When it guides our behavior, it suppresses other parts of the brain that are supposed to remind us of additional information."explains David."We have to accept the fact that our brain does multiple tasks at once. And as part of this, is that the awareness that we carry a child can be lost".
"We have to accept that human memory is flawed. This includes when loving and caring parents lose consciousness of their children when they are inside a car."After the hundreds of cases he has studied since his investigation began, Davis explains that he has found some factors that commonly occur when a father forgets his son in the car: changes in routine, stress and sleep deprivation.
In most cases where children have died inside cars, an unusual change in routine had occurred, in which one of the parents, who did not use to take the child to school or daycare, had to do that day for some reason.
Because the brain recognizes everyday routine, the father can unconsciously drive straight to work, completely forgetting that he was taking his son in the car. Unless there was a sign that reminded him, like seeing an object of the baby or hearing it, the father's brain would continue in autopilot mode and could even create the false memory that his son is safe in the nursery.
On Magnet Forget a child in the backseat of the car until his death. Crime or accident?"Conflicts between semantic and prospective memory are normal."David explains. And in reality, those conflicts are something that can happen to anyone every day, not just parents or caregivers. This is what happens when we forget that we should get to the market on the way home because we had run out of milk or when we suddenly realize that we are on our way to work, when in fact we should be on our way to a medical appointment that is not part of the routine daily
Although this may occur under normal situations, David's research has found that added stress, large distractions and lack of sleep are external factors that increase the possibility of this memory failure, and unfortunately, in these cases it has ended in tragic situations.
No one is perfect, we can all happen
I know. I know it is hard to think that we may be able to forget our children locked in the car. For most, accepting it would mean that we admit that we are bad parents or that we are not up to it. But the reality is what David mentions: our brain is not perfect and may have failures.
Now, this does not mean that it will happen to all of us at some point. It means that there is a possibility that it will happen, although of course no one wants that to happen. But the worst thing we can do is affirm that it won't happen to us, because if we think that our brain is so perfect and special as not to make these kinds of human mistakes, we may not take the necessary precautions to prevent us from committing them.
We must be clear that it's something that can happen to all of us, and for sample, we cite a fragment of an extensive Pulitzer Prize winning report published in the Washington Post, in which several cases of parents who forgot their children were analyzed, and interviewed David as an expert on the subject to try to understand why what happened this:
The upper class, it turns out, do. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are as likely as fathers to do so. It happens to the one who is chronically with the mind in another place, and to the one who is a fan of order. The one who went to the university and the one who is illiterate. In the last 10 years it has happened to a dentist. To a post office worker. To a social worker. To a police officer. To an accountant. To a soldier. To a lawyer. To an electrician. To a Protestant cleric. To a rabbinical student. To a nurse To a builder. To the assistant of a director. It happened to a mental counselor, a university professor and a chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.
Does this make them bad parents or bad people? Of course not. They are simply human, and it is a mistake that could happen to anyone. Of course, this does not mean that we will accept it or see it as normal or expected.
It's simply about having more understanding and respect, and stop being so tough and judge the parents who have had to go through and suffer from this terrible tragedy, in which not even they understand how they could make this mistake.
What can we do to prevent it
Now that we know and understand that there is a possibility that it will happen to all of us, does not mean that we should be alarmed and assume that it will happen to us. What we must do is prepare ourselves to do everything possible to avoid something like this from happening to us.
In the first place, accepting the fact that there is a possibility that it will happen and that some external change or factor such as lack of rest or stress can influence our ability to remember. Keeping in mind that we are not immune to this, we can be more aware and take preventive measures:
- If your child goes to a daycare or you leave him with a babysitter, they agree to call each other when something different happens to the usual routine: If your child will not attend that day or will be late, call. If the child does not arrive at the usual time, they should call you.
- When there is a change of routine, organize with your partner and both put reminders on your mobile to call the other one minutes after the child's entry time to the nursery.
- Lean on visual reminders: a teddy of your son, the backpack with his things, a shoe or something that you can place in the passenger seat and that works as a signal to remind you.
- Use devices and applications on your mobile that help you remember to check the back seat or let you know if your child is still there.
- Place in the back seat something you always carry with you when you go to work and force you to check the back: the wallet, a briefcase, your lunchbox. You can do this even if you don't usually take your child, and it will help you make semantic memory get used to always checking the back seat of the car.
In Babies and moreSeven devices and apps that prevent forgetting babies inside the carForgetting a child locked in the car is something that no father would ever want to live. But we are human, and as such, we must take steps to prevent more tragedies like these from happening.
Photos | iStock
Via | Consumer Reports
