The time of delivery is very important for the mother and the baby, and those first moments of the newborn's life are unforgettable, but will they mark us in our relationship with the child? Does the type of delivery we have influence the intensity of my feeling for the baby?
Does that change if my birth has been by caesarean section, vaginal, epidural or not, if I had an episiotomy or not? I think the answer has several nuances but, to summarize, I will say no.
I have rescued an interesting post that talked about the absence of the mother's relationship with the baby. A psychotherapist explains the main causes of the absence of the emotional bond between the mother and the newborn, among which the type of birth we have does not appear.
It is pointed out that this lack of link may be due to three main causes:
- To the loss of freedom and autonomy suffered by the mother
- To the idealized image of motherhood that clashes with a very different reality
- What mother and son do not know each other
Although in all these situations we can put some brake on and “work” on them, because they are not insurmountable or definitive, there are two that are especially related to the way the baby is born, and is the idealized image that we have what a baby means in our lives and mutual knowledge. Let's see these points.
A bad birth experience
If to the logical fatigue of the mother after giving birth we add the hormonal alterations, just add a bad experience in childbirth that hurts or has broken our expectations what the birth was going to be so that this disappointment and that distancing with the baby worsens.
But that does not depend exactly on the type of delivery, that is, caesarean section does not equal less love and vaginal delivery more. The bad experience that affects us in our way of receiving the baby may be due to an unexpected caesarean section, a painful episiotomy, hemorrhoids, the use of instruments to remove the baby, a long and painful dilation, because the staff of the hospital did not attend to our requests, to which we were told some bad words during the delivery ...
We are so exhausted and have gone through such an intense experience that we add physical or psychological pain and some mothers have a certain "rejection" of the encounter with the baby. Does that mean they want it less? Do not.
Personally I have not felt that rejection on any occasion, with two different types of delivery, by caesarean section and vaginal. But that has not influenced my way or the intensity of loving my babies from the first moment, why? Because I did not perceive any of my births as bad experiences that "canceled" me and that unfortunately some women do feel.
Don't separate us
We arrived at the next point that pointed as related to the type of delivery we have. The psychotherapist pointed out that the fact that mom and baby don't know each other It could be one of the reasons why the link with the baby was not established.
At this point we can act from before birth, talking with the baby, giving it a name, preparing its arrival. But what if they separate us from the baby after delivery?
Early contact with the newborn is essential, and therefore it is worked so that both in the case of caesarean section and in the case of premature babies or sick babies, as in complicated births, the union with the baby is delayed as little as possible . Thus the contact will make us know and need as soon as possible.
But I don't think we can say that a woman who had a cesarean section and it took half an hour to see her baby or one she was admitted to will have less. There are many other complex situations that would affect the occurrence of this circumstance, as we have explained above.
But there are women who reject their babies
Yes there are women who feel an initial rejection of their babies, a rejection that can be overcome with help. The baby blues or postpartum depression can have a withdrawal from the baby, and among its causes a bad birth experience.
Therefore, it is important not to minimize the importance of these situations, and to receive the help and support necessary to overcome them. But there are many reasons that combine to produce a depression that affects the bond with the baby.
In short, even after having gone through these complex situations of depression that could be due to a bad birth experience, love for our children can come. But that we want our children more or less is not determined by the type of birth we have.
Photos | Raphael Goetter and Joe Shlabotnik on Flickr
In Babies and more | Coping with informed birth, with realism and open expectations, Post-traumatic stress disorder due to childbirth, The bond between parents and children is key to self-esteem
